family · parenting

Also Known as Manda …

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life but mummy is the best name I’ve had … its also the hardest. When you become a mummy, your world is turned upside down, a tiny human that you have grown appears into your world and they depend on you, to get that tiny human into the world you go through the most pain you probably ever will in your life and on top of that you are exhausted from carrying that tiny human in your body for 9 months … not to mention the hormones. Your whole world turns to taking care of your beautiful bundle of hard work.
While the journey of becoming a mummy is the most precious thing you will ever do … in my opinion, it also takes away some of your identity. Those first few years after having a baby go in a fast blur. I remember feeling like I floated through the first years in a bubble of tiredness, basically just trying to get through the days and trying to be the best mummy I could be for my boys. I was overweight, I had lost my style and I was lost in a world I felt I had no control over. As my boys grew I started getting that little bit more time to do things for me again, I started exercising and eating better and I started to see a glimpse of ‘me’ again. Standing in front of a mirror one night I looked at myself and thought ‘will I ever be the old me again?’ then I asked myself ‘do I ever want to be the old me again?’ … I’ve learnt over the last few years I have answered my own questions, and I don’t want to be the old me, when I became a mother I grew, the sleepless nights and putting two beautiful boys before myself at all times has made me a better version of myself. I also stepped back to let my husband fly with his career, I stayed at home and supported him while he worked so hard. Being an ambitious person, I found this also made me feel isolated, I found it hard becoming the invisible partner in our life. Phil is one of those men that don’t come around very often and he always says the one who stays at home has the hardest job (I definitely agree by the way, amen to stay at home mamas) but it was the pressure I put on myself and the outside worlds influence that I struggled with. We had always been Phil and Manda then all of a sudden, I became Phil’s Wife … I love being a wife please don’t get me wrong but I wanted to be equal in our little team. I went back to work two days a week which gave me some identity back, but was also lucky enough to be able to be at home with my boys the rest of the week. Then I started my Instagram and blog. This gave me a space to be me and to feel like I was achieving something and its grown into something I’m very proud of. I’ve found I am much more driven since I became a mummy. The old me had time, but didn’t use it. The new me finds time and gets shit done. I want to be a role model for my son’s and I want them to be proud of me.
It’s so easy to lose yourself when you become a mummy, but when you find yourself again you will be a better version. In those first few months and years of motherhood I say get lost, struggle and enjoy every second because that’s all part of it. You wont always be lost, believe me mummy’s you have got this, your still you and you are smashing it … even if you don’t think you are. You get up every morning and do it even when you don’t think you can and that’s all you have to do.
Now with my youngest son starting school in September and my oldest going into Year 3, I’m moving into a new phase of motherhood, I will have more time and now that scares me! It’s time to find the new me, it’s time to be called Manda again … but I will always be mummy first and foremost I wear that name like a crown.
We are all the names that make us who we are, embrace them all, embrace the journey and enjoy … One day soon we will all want these days back. Its normal to feel a little lost, what is life if we always know where we are going?
Thank you for reading …
Mammy, Noahs Mum, Tobys Mum, Phils Wife, Ourbeautifulchaos … Manda xx

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